My gambling addiction was an emotional rollercoaster. Anger, fear, sadness, disappointment—you name it, this addiction brought them all. Sometimes all at once.
These emotions manifested themselves in bizarre moments of self-sabotage, including lying to my family, never being truly present in social situations, and having a constant itch that needed scratching. And yet no matter how much scratching I did, I was never satisfied or happy.
This is where emotional awareness is crucial.
Emotions as Signposts to Unmet Needs
I didn’t know it at the time, but the emotions I was feeling were crucial in genuinely understanding why I had this addiction in the first place. And this is true not just for addictions but also for bad habits and repetitive negative behaviours. In fact, almost any self-sabotaging behaviour that we have that we don’t fully understand.
The good news is that this means we can use our emotions to get to the root cause of our behaviour.
The Six Fundamental Human Needs
Hazel Gale talks about the six fundamental human needs in her book, The Mind Monster Solution. These needs ultimately boil down to:
- Certainty
- Variety
- Significance
- Love and connection
- Growth
- Contribution
She talks about how overall happiness levels can come down to fulfilling these needs, and often the emotions we feel are the signposts for how well we are doing that.
Connecting the Emotions
To put that in context and give you an example of how you can apply this, let’s look at the emotions that I was often feeling: disappointment and sadness. Instead of resisting them, I decided to allow myself to get in touch with them and take the time to analyze them. What did they want? What need was going unfulfilled? And why were they driving me towards the unwanted behaviour of a gambling addiction?
When I actually stopped to think about this, I was able to link them back to ‘significance’ and ‘contribution.’ Ultimately, I felt like I wasn’t enough, that my job wasn’t providing me with what I needed, and that this made me feel insignificant—especially in comparison to those close to me, who seemed to be doing much better in their jobs.
Essentially, I was using gambling as some failed side hustle in the hope that it might make me more money. Foolish thinking, I know, but emotions are powerful things.
Conclusion
Our addictions, bad habits, and repetitive negative behaviours are all just unconscious failing solutions to try and fulfil our needs.
Today’s science estimates that 95% of our brain activity is unconscious, meaning that most of our decisions lie beyond conscious awareness.
So it’s little wonder that we often don’t know why we’ve fallen into these bad habits. But trust me when I say that you can figure your way out of them by listening to your emotions. Of course, it might take time and practice. But give it a go and see where it leads you.
