The first thing to know about the inner critic is that we all have it. Some more than others, but we all have it, and we all have our own ways of dealing with it.
It usually manifests itself as negative internal commentary and also likely follows regular patterns that you are more than familiar with by this stage in your life.
These patterns repeatedly play in our heads and are responsible for your general feeling of worthiness.
I don’t know what yours is saying, but some common ones are:
Comparing – It tells you who you should be in your life, often drawing comparisons with others close to you and asking, ‘why aren’t you where they are in life? How come they have a better job than you? Why can’t you be as successful?’
Restricting your actions – ‘Don’t tell that person you like them. They don’t feel the same way, and you’re only going to be embarrassed when they reject you.
‘You shouldn’t go for that job promotion. you most likely won’t get it, and even if you did, you’d be fooling everyone anyway. You’re not really good enough for the job. Stick to what is easy. Don’t put yourself at risk of failure.’
Or sometimes it comes up with seemingly random and hurtful things such as
- ‘you’re stupid.’
- ‘you’re ugly.’
- ‘you really f***ked that up, didn’t you?
These are just a few examples of how our inner critic can sound. But in reality, it is always with us, just waiting to burst out and sabotage our true potential.
This is because part of our unconscious mind is trying to direct us away from experiences and behavioural patterns that it sees as a threat. It has learned these over time from the experiences in your life, and it tries to avoid any future feelings of discomfort.
But how often do you truly listen to what it is saying? Or has it become so automatic that you hear it, obey what it is saying to you, and continue down the path of self-sabotage and restrictive behaviour.
Here’s the thing about the inner critic. Some of what it’s saying will be right, some will be complete bullshit.
But what if I told you by actually analysing what it wants or what it is trying to say to you, you can rewrite these thought patterns and turn the inner critic into the inner guide?
We can do this through a simple self journaling exercise taught to me by Hazel Gale.
She taught me that ultimately – ‘You’re a person who wants to do things well, and that always comes hand in hand with a part of us that seeks out potential improvements and problems. Your role is to reframe that voice’:
The criticism isn’t proof that you’re not good enough; it’s proof of your desire and ability to be good. Full stop.’
So next time your critic is judging you or telling you that you fucked something up, or simply making you feel worthless. Give this a try:
Task:
Write out your critic’s thoughts. Spend five mins just dumping it all down on paper. Then cross out the monster stories (things like “I’m not good enough” and “I just worry if I’m cut out for this” and “how did I miss that?” Etc.), they’re of little use here.
Then take a highlighter pen and highlight anything that can be used for growth (e.g. “What could I do better next time”. “What can I learn from this?”…
Then use the growth statements to write out a game plan for a similar occurrence in the future. Finally, keep the valuable stuff and throw the rest of the journaling away. You’ll feel better after, I promise.
If you want any help with your inner critic, feel free to reach out to me on any of the contact pages.
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